imagine a world without gender a world where we are not confined to the arbitrary interpretations of an inexact biology. imagine we could rise above the places below our waists, reside instead in graceful hands, in angled cheekbones in some deeper conception than this skewed perception of you.
I strip myself bare of unforgiving flesh, squinting behind dim caverns of girl parts-- what are girl parts? all we have are beating hearts.
I sit inside this trembling body, shoulder to hunched shoulder, stacks of bones too unsure to be brave enough to tell you that my gender will never fit on the plastic sign above a bathroom door.
and I've never filled out a single form where they didn't ask me for me to choose one or the other, sister or brother, father or mother, i want to tell you but I'm slipping between sidewalk cracks
walking down the street hearing wolf whistles and I want to tell you please don't read between the lines, erase the goddamn lines, this has nothing to do with lines.
and I want to tell you how when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut, because in space breasts do not matter in space pink and blue don't matter, space suits are white. but here alone, between the bathroom doors I need to make a choice. I want to tell you but instead I will hide here a little longer, paint my shoulder blades pink, let my heart beat girl into my veins, even though I don't believe it, even though I want to tell you.
i want to tell you by ~Aquarius-Claire is an emotionally driven spoken word piece that leaves a taste of the writer's frustration in the mouth when read aloud and puts a sensitive subject to many into perspective. (
Personally I find this concept frightening, as we would trade individuality for unity. The only thing one can really can their own is their own body, and that alone transcends gender barriers. It's enough for me.
The sense of defeat at the end. I love this beautiful poem - it's so accessible! Some parts of the poem (personally), I find, stumble a bit. Your beginning is strong, starting with an imperative, 'imagine'. In the course of the line I find 'arbitrary interpretations' a bit too direct. 'interpretation' in itself does suggest some uncertainty, and by adding 'arbitrary'... Perhaps it is that sense of bitterness you want to convey here on behalf of the speaker, in which case, it works. But in comparison to the lovely wordplay on an 'inexact biology', I can't help but feel that you're striking a bit too strong in 'arbitrary interpretation'. Perhaps 'we are not confined/ to a certain determination of' would be better? then there's a homophone on 'a certain'/ 'ascertain', and wordplay on 'determination': fate choosing one's sex, as well as biological judgement of sex. That's just me though :/
The ending of the second stanza - 'what girl parts? all we have are beating/ hearts', it felt like you're coming on a little too strong in terms of melodrama. Forgive me for saying this, but this phrase feels quite unsubtle and threatens to drag the beautiful poem down in maudlin sentimentality. Taste is subjecive, though, so perhaps I'm being nitpicky.
I liked how you formatted the poem, particularly the break between the fourth and fifth stanza - lovely! Splendid use of breaks to convey that sense of things breaking off, where the poem '(slips) between sidewalk cracks'.
All in all I love this poem and I wish to congratulate you on your well-deserved dd. I apologise if I come off as too strong or too blunt and offend you in any way. I'm off to check out more of your poems Good day to you!
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More